You’re not weak or silly for feeling unsettled in your relationship when your partner’s past is so present in your home and family. It’s not weird to feel grossed out by anything that suggests previous intimacy. It’s not wrong to feel sad that our first experience of having a child with our partner is not their first experience.
About Anita Inglis
Anita is a step/mum to 7, ranging from tweens to adults. As a child of divorce and a divorced mum, she was completely unprepared for life married to a man in a high conflict relationship with his ex. This led to her current career, helping others deal with complex stepfamily dynamics. She lives in New Zealand but works with clients in North America and Australasia. She specialises in helping families navigate high-conflict situations and those dealing with trauma. She is a certified stepfamily coach, with graduate and post-graduate qualifications in psychology. Along with co-founding Stepfamily Magazine, she also found the Institute of Step-Family Dynamics and mentors other step-family coaches and professionals.
Entries by Anita Inglis
When I came in to this stepmum gig, I thought I was pretty well prepared. I was a stepchild myself, had successfully navigated the relationship with my kids then stepmum…how hard could it be? Harder than I could ever have imagined. Like super hard. Like the hardest thing I’ve ever done, including pushing out 4 […]
If we notice positive behaviour and comment on it, the positive behaviour will be repeated as long as we keep commenting on it and rewarding the child with positive attention. If we consistently comment on negative behaviour, we are inadvertently rewarding the child with attention. They will repeat this behaviour as long as we keep giving them attention for it.